I was talking with a friend the other day and I admitted that I knew how this friend felt about something. I said, "You can deny it. But I feel it. It's true."
This person admitted to me that they didn't deny it. They also admitted a great, valuable insight and truth that I will hold onto.
They said, "I won't lie to you. I know if I did, you would see through it anyway."
These words hit me. They were true.
I thought about what my friend had so vulnerably shared with me and I realized that this right here is most likely the number one reason that most people keep away from me and never dare to get close to me.
I imagined what it must be like to be another around me, to be others who know me. It would be scary! Especially if I were a person who normally wasn't in touch with my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Especially if I were a person who was in the habit of lying to myself.
In my experience, the people I've just imagined being in the heads of are the majority of people I've ever met in life. Before my friend had been honest with me about this, I had never imagined that my personality, my life choices regarding interpersonal relationships would be so scary to others.
I never understood what it was about me that compelled others to run the other direction at a moment's notice. It was difficult to understand when all I do every day is simply show up. I show up without lies, without insecurities, without facades.
How I behave around people, what I say, how I appear, that's the real me. I do know when people lie to me. I don't know why yet but I do understand that when the world tells you to live many lies, why someone who doesn't give into that and also sees the truth in everything would be threatening.
I'd tell you I'm sorry but I'm not. I'm not sorry for being real. I'm not sorry for showing up. I'm not sorry for seeing and speaking the truth. I am sorry that others don't possess enough courage to simply show up as I do but I can also understand how scary it might be.
Showing up real is vulnerable. And being vulnerable is uncomfortable. When we're vulnerable, we lose our sense of being in control and we no longer appear to have all of the answers.
I am vulnerable. I realize that others are vulnerable too. Others realize that they are vulnerable and that I see them for who they are whether they want me to or not.
I am so grateful for the honesty of my friend. I can assure you that I don't intend to be scary. I can assure you that I won't harm you should you take that risk to show up with me.
As scary as me seeing you is for you, I'd like to remind you that I'm also highly empathetic and wouldn't dare do anything to harm you for simply being you.
♥ s.h.
