The Lamb's Blood

I go to this MOPS group (mothers of preschoolers - They allow me to go because my youngest is in kindergarten.  But that's the oldest child one can have to be a member. After that, they kick you out.) It's at the church and through the church.  

I had a meeting yesterday and a pastor was speaking to us about Easter.  Easter is a fun story. So is Passover and so is Christmas and so are all of those other stories.  They are very entertaining and fascinating and they compose everything that makes a good story.

The pastor was talking about the lamb and Passover. 

"The Lord" had told the Egyptians that there would be a plague and that he was going to take the lives of every citizen's first born child. But he told them that if they were to sacrifice a lamb in the name of their first born children and smear the blood of the lamb over the doorway to their homes, he would pass over their homes and their first born child would not be harmed.

I just blurted out loud, sarcastically (okay it wasn't one of my proudest moments - or maybe it was), "Oh. That's what I did wrong." 

A few moms sitting near me looked up at me  and I was met with some smiles and then some  looks of horror on their faces. I instantly felt remorse and settled back in and shut up as the pastor continued on with the story.

But this got me thinking. I went home and cursed to myself, "Why didn't I smear lamb's blood over my doorway???"  

I was trying to sort all of this out and looked up the actual bible story.  You can read for yourself here: (It is fascinating, I won't deny that.)  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus+12

But I got to thinking and what's disturbing to me is that there are people who think this is okay, more than okay, normal even.  

I began to wonder, why would "The Lord" sacrifice one life for another? I was sure I had heard before that "The Lord" valued ALL life equally.  

Then I remembered where I had heard that before.  It was in the abortion debate!  So now I'm wondering which is it? Does "The Lord" value ALL life the same? Or does he want us to sacrifice a lamb to keep our Sunflowers?

A few thoughts went through my mind. One was that "The Lord" suffers from split personalities. Another was that the people who follow "The Lord" suffer from split personalities - or worse.

It's all very confusing and disturbing to me.  Maybe Easter isn't about bunnies and chicks but I have a lot of empathy for the people who began making it about bunnies and chicks. 

The "real" Easter story is definitely riveting (no pun intended) but probably not one that many feel comfortable telling their children about. I don't blame them.

Betrayal

I was born cursed to be somewhat of an extrovert and at the same time to be so different or misunderstood from the majority of the population.

Aside from my holistic thinking, I have the capability to detect nuance that most people generally miss.  I understand the dynamics of interpersonal relationships. I understand feelings and emotions and why and how people express them - or choose not to.

I am very open about who I am. I do understand why who I am, most times is unexpected or unwanted in society and so I try to be considerate of that by helping people to learn more about me. 

But being open, being sensitive, being empathetic leaves me very vulnerable.

I cannot tell you how many times (it's too many to count) that I've been betrayed by people for my openness.  There is a certain dynamic that happens and I haven't yet quite figured out why.  It's where people come into my life and claim to be accepting and understanding of who I am.  Sometimes they even claim that they don't understand it but they are still willing to accept it.

I feel like these people study me. They study what upsets me, they study who, what, and how to push my buttons. They study the range of my emotions and my expression of them. They study the dynamics of my interactions with different people and different circumstances.

Then, they turn around and when the time is right for them (and wrong for me), they use all of this against me. They use this knowing full well what it does to me. After all, they have studied me under the guise of "friend" for a long while now.

This is the worst type of betrayal I've encountered. This is the worst of my abilities and willingness to give people the benefit of the doubt.  You would think that after so many times of this I would stop being open, I would stop sharing myself wholeheartedly, and I would stop being vulnerable.

But I don't.  I continue be who I am.  

I don't understand why people are so compelled to be this way with me. I don't understand why they think it's a good idea or if they are even aware that they do this.  

I don't know how to tell people in a way to make them believe that the way I am, it actually has nothing to do with them or anyone else.

The way I am is the way I was made. It was the way I was born. If that bothers you so much I can suggest a couple of things:  1. You can stay away from me or 2. You can stay away from me.

But I am asking you please, do not harm me because of your issues.

What Does It Mean To Be Patriotic?

In America we have a problem. (Well, actually there are a lot of problems...) But there is a specific problem dealing with patriotism and what it means to be a proud citizen of the United States.

Politically, the gap has  become wider and wider between the two political parties and while I would make a guess that most people fall somewhere within a spectrum of each "side", there are stereotypes and judgments about either extreme.

First of all, if you've ever studied American history (even a little), you should remember that religion has a always been an integral part of this New World country.  Christianity was brought over straight from the European settlers way back when the lighter-skin-toned people immigrated here. All of the official documents that we now fight over were incorporated with "God" in mind.  That's just the way they did things back then. It's just something that was integrated into and originated with our so-called new freedom and "new land".

I don't think it makes any sense to allow the fact that this country was founded on many beliefs - including religious ones - to be offensive. After all, it is simply a historical fact. This country was founded not only on the beliefs and ideals of "freedom" and new beginnings, so was it founded on a deep set European belief system of Christianity.

The "God" in our history has never really bothered me.  It's not that I'm super religious or share many or any philosophies with Christians and Christianity. It's that I've accepted that it's just part of how our country was founded.  It's simply part of America's history.

So yes, the Pledge of Allegiance, said in schools does say, "One Nation, under God...". Yes, the Declaration of Independence does say, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." Yes, our currency says, "In God we trust."  (That one is and has been debatable for a long while now.) But the point is that religion (Christianity) is part of our country's heritage.

Now hold on.

I never said that it had to be important to you or that you had to agree with it. I'm saying that it's part of this country's past.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly what you would call proud of a lot of what has happened in America's past.  And I'm not saying that you should be proud of the harm and destruction the people of the United States have caused upon themselves and on others.

But in the matter of patriotism, I think it's important that you at least know the historical facts.

Being patriotic doesn't mean that you allow your beliefs in God or even your beliefs in the lack of God to cloud your intellect. While God may have had a lot to do with the history and founding of this country, your belief in God - or not - should have nothing to do with your patriotism.

Patriotism is defined as, devoted love and support of one's country; national loyalty. Nowhere in the definition does it define how one goes about doing that. So it would seem that now, keeping the country's history in mind, the belief in God is simply irrelevant to being patriotic.

There's this neat thing about being human that both people of faith and people who don't believe in God are in agreement about and capable of utilizing.  This is called free will.

Religious and non-religious alike, we can all agree that humans do, in fact, possess the capabilities of having the liberty to make their own choices over every single aspect of their personal lives. Therefore, in the case of patriotism, we all have been equipped to decide for ourselves what devoted love, support, and loyalty looks like and means for us, individually.

And to me - God or not - this is really what the settlers were intending  to accomplish when they arrived on U. S. soil:

"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

To me, patriotism is not being in support of killing people in other countries, it's not owning a gun, it's not being afraid to make mistakes, it's not waving my country's flag anywhere and everywhere I can possibly think of.  To me patriotism is accepting my country's history for what it is and learning from my predecessor's mistakes. If I don't allow myself that freedom, no one else will.  It's kind of the nature of being "free." :-)

What does patriotism mean to you?

Are you choosing insanity?

I'm sure you've heard the quote that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I guess under this definition, most of the country chooses to be insane.

I wonder what it is about things like politics/religion etc that makes people think that if you offer a differing opinion of either "norm" that you are disagreeing with them. It really seems to rub people the wrong way.  

I don't disagree with anyone, usually. I only offer up something new that most people may have never thought about before. I also call things as they actually are. I don't delude myself or others. I am a realist in every sense of the term.

I am going to guess it's a boundary thing where most people do not have healthy enough boundaries to understand that just because someone says something a little different than what you think is right, doesn't mean that it invalidates you or what you think.  

We live in a very unhealthy world people. Be mindful of who you want to be. I choose to be creative and find new ways to do things so I can get different results.  What do you choose? The choice is yours...

Dear World

Dear World,

You win.  I will always be someone you don't want. I will always be someone you refuse to love. I will always be someone who takes care of all of you yet gets nothing in return. 

So I hope you're happy. I hope you feel at peace now that you know you've won.  I can't change for you. I've tried. And I'm not proud that I even tried.  

So go on with your superficiality, go on with your cruelty towards those who are different. I gave you all of the chances to love and accept me and not one of you chose that.  So that's your choice and I respect it.  

I'm done. You go be with your communities and families and people who love you, go be with the people who respect and appreciate you.  And I'll be here with no one. You won. Hope you're happy.

The Power of Choice

I always tell my boys that they always have choices in life.  I simplified it for a five and seven year old and I tell them there is always the loving choice or the harmful choice.

It was one of those parenting experiments that I came up with in the middle of an issue, where I was thinking on my feet. What I've come to realize is that I had actually hit on a profound truth for life. For anyone's life!

We always have a choice. That is our power as humans. That power of choice is so great, probably more so than most people realize.  In telling my boys this, I've not only diminished my battles as a parent, but I've also given them the ultimate personal power.

They are learning that their choices determine the outcomes of everything.  They make good, loving choices and the outcome matches that.  They make bad, harmful choices, and there are consequences.  

I am always reminding my children of their choices and when I do, I remind myself that I always have a choice.  I have gotten ridiculed sometimes for making things in life "too simple" but let me tell you, just being a mom is difficult enough. Why should I make it any harder for myself?

That is my choice. :-)

~ s.h.  

Our Own Prisons

Life is about moving on. I had a few different experiences come up today that reminded me that part of our job as humans is to never remain stuck. Stuck in our grief. Stuck in our attitudes. Stuck in our relationships. Stuck in our lives.

Acceptance and moving on has never been easy for me. I have had this lesson time and time again in my life in some of the most painful ways.  I'm still figuring it out.  I think that's why I question myself. I think that's why I pay attention to the thoughts I tell myself.  

I realize that when I do this, I actually change my brain. I grow.  I become better. I realize that I don't want to be stuck and I do whatever it is I need to do (even if it's painful) to continue moving forward.

It's easy for us to get stuck with our lives and to place the blame on someone else.  But I think as soon as we begin taking responsibility for being active participants in life, we free ourselves from our own chains.